Day 8 (Friday): Uncertainty Avoidance Index: shook

Today was the longest day yet. But very good.

I went running this morning! It was awesome, as long as you're willing to overlook things like pace and distance. Don Ismael had asked me to do a couple of things in the morning to the beans he left cooking at our house, so I got up early. After I ran, I had an extended time with God, which was quite lovely. I read about prayer in Luke. Key word: persistence. 

Last day of outreach means I felt very conflicted. It would be easy to phone it in, but I felt confident God had plans for us today, so I was very excited to get on campus. We left late and had bad traffic and some things had me caught in my head, so I felt kind of discouraged by the time we actually got to campus, but we got there right around the time we wanted to start doing outreach.

But we didn't expect Enrique. Enrique is a security guard for the parking lot at Mederos. Two days ago, he wasn't at the lot we parked at, but today he was. He waved me down as I was guiding the van as Don Isma was parking and asked me who it was that we had gotten permission from to be on campus. Don Ismael talked to him for a minute, and he walked off to get someone else. A lady came out and asked the same questions. We explained a bit of who we were and where we were from, with extra emphasis on it being our last day, and the other campus not minding, and that we were just there for a short time before lunch. She told me next time, we should email, for security reasons - and so that if there was a fun event, they could let us know! - but also for security reasons. But, welcome to campus and we have an open door! But let us know next time. 

Whew. 

So, Hugo was already there and was our only partner today, so we partnered up and went to do our thing. I felt led as Savannah and I were walking around to talk to a girl we saw, so in a Romans 1:16 spirit of boldness in the gospel, I walked up to her and totally chickened out. I told her we were visiting and wanted to talk to students and meet people and (maybe talk about spiritual stuff and) did she have time to talk? Then after a while, I got nervous and kinda ended the conversation and kinda ran away. Savannah was laughing at me a little, I think. So, that's how my last outreach conversation in Mexico went. 

I was talking with Rachel on the drive to lunch and we decided that at the end of something, it is easy to get caught up in unhealthily examining if you should have done better. I think for me, it comes from running track: if, at the end of cualquier race, I had any energy left, I knew I hadn't run the race as hard as I could have. So, therefore, I had failed myself in that race and missed an opportunity to grow by pushing myself to the end of myself. But I would do better next time. That's my real fear for life, honestly. If I come to the end and could have done more, could have run harder, could have served more, could have loved more deeply, could have shared the gospel more...will I have failed myself? Will I have failed God? Will he still be proud of me? Will he still love me?

So, for this trip, it's easy to do the same. Rachel and I decided that this type of examination didn't come from a place of genuine openness to God's refinement, but rather from a place of self-sufficiency and that it wasn't healthy. Mas que nada, I feel like it's unhealthy because it doesn't feel the way God's conviction feels. When God disciplines or convicts me, it feels so tender and so hope-filled and so loving. But this feels negative and like a pull towards despair and generally icky, so not from God. 

We got lunch at a gordita restaurant. If, when I say gordita, you think of a gordita from Taco Bell, you have my pity (though, tbh, I do like those). Gorditas aqui are very different but very good. 

But, this gordita place was out of gorditas (basically), so we went to a Carl's Jr. next door. Lunch was playful and fun. We grabbed an extra burger (but of chicken) for our missing companera (very few days have been a full squad for us), and went home. We chilled for about 2011 seconds (A-Whoop?), and then went to get out COVID tests.

With traveling and some COVID exposures, I've done a few tests, so I felt pretty good about the whole process. You know, give them info, wait a bit, go into the room --
WAIT, THERE'S A HOLE IN THAT PART OF MY NOSE TOO? It was weird, amigos, they didn't stab me in my brain up the nose, they went horizontal. Like above my pallet. I think they may have flossed one of my teeth on accident. It was weird. 

"Thanks Sam, pictures of people's noses is the reason we love to read your blog."

Well, that's a weird reason, but I'm glad you're here.

Anyway, tests completed, we had plenty of time to head back to the house, get Hugo, get ready, and go to the end-of-week-party at the church that we invited all our new friends to. 

Oh, but then the keys to our van had gotten locked inside the van. Overall, it was a remarkably positive experience. Honestly, the best part of the day up to that point. You see, the thing about me is (i know that things about me are really interesting to y'all) that I like it when things go sideways, as long as they 1. aren't my fault, 2. aren't my responsibility, and 3. don't prevent me from keeping promises to other people. So, this was perfect for me. Not for everyone though; I think it was initially very hard on the homie who did it. 

Savannah did something very insightful. Rather than have our team hang out and watch as we tried to fix the problem (we didn't) while it was still a fresh feeling of failure to our homie, she took everyone into the store and they got snacks (and a coke for me! i felt very loved). This allowed some time and distance to let the frustration and sense of failure drain out, and for the emphasis to fully shift to problem-solving. 

Henry came to help us and the three men tried the same few things about 28 times (push the button with the wire, grab the handle with the wire, etc), with varying levels of closeness to success. Every now and then, one or another of the women on the team would suggest a slightly different (and much better) approach, and, after 2-3 more tries, we would switch to her approach and get far closer to success. But, no dice. Then, a lady who we didn't know, parked her (3-4 y/o?) daughter with our girls, brought over a shopping cart, told us to hold it, climbed on top of it, and got us closer than we had been up to that point. What a power mom. What a baller. After a while, her bus came and she had to go. 

We kept doing our thing in different versions, but then Henry had to leave because it was almost time for the party to start and no one was at the church to unlock it. He took two gringas with him. After a little while, we called a professional and, while we waited, Alexis asked if she could give it a try. Then she - very expertly - adjusted the folded wire we were using, moved the screwdrivers closer to the handle, and started fishing for the handle. I am 99% convinced she would have had it within the next 5 minutes, but right then, the guy we called showed up with his tools and had the door open inside of 2 minutes. Alexis claims she hasn't done this kind of stuff before, but I have some lingering doubts.

We went to the house and got the beans and the meat and the supplies and the Hugo and we drove to the church. I sat on the floor with the beans, so they wouldn't spill. They were hot, but I rather enjoyed the drive. We got to the church about 45 minutes after the party started, so we were right on time.

It was a really, really good party, amigos. I got to have some really good conversations - some with students, some with old friends, some with new friends. We partied for a good four hours; lots of talking. We had two new people come and our universitarios did a pretty solid job of connecting with them. After a lot of eating and a lot of talking, someone broke the social surface tension and people started leaving. So we cleaned up and then loaded everything up, and then talked more. We all told each other how much we admire, love, respect each other's churches and are excited for and praying for each other. Then we loaded people into cars and talked some more. 

Then we drove home and did some stuff and I checked in for our flights and did the wordle and this blog. Tomorrow I'll post a summary of our travel day and a list of the things I'll miss most about Monterrey. 

PRAYER

-for us to keep in step with the Spirit as we head home and go back to life
-for the universitarios here to keep doing outreach and follow-up
-for the people we met to see the love of Christ in the people of this church
-for safe travels and good debriefing for our team
-for wisdom and discernment for Savannah and I
-for the future